People learn a new language for all sorts of reasons

Be it to work or study in another country, move abroad, or simply for pleasure. No matter the motivation, many students find that the experience of studying a new language enriches their lives.  But did you also know a language changes your brain at a physical level? 

Numerous studies have examined how learning a new language at different ages can make a difference to the way your brain works. Let’s take a look at how learning a second language affects your brain.

Bilingual people, who have learned two languages side by side from early childhood, have been studied by scientists for decades. They are keen to understand how speaking two languages fluently affects people on a cognitive level. And with the advent of MRI technology, researchers are now able to see on a very visual level the differences between monolingual brains and bilingual brains.

Everyone’s brain is made up of neurons, which have a cell body, and dendrites, which are the connections between neurons. This is what we call “grey matter.”

Bilingual people have more of these neurons and dendrites compared to people who speak only one language. This means that their grey matter is denser.

Bilingualism also has an impact on white matter – that is, a system of nerve fibers which connect all four lobes of the brain. This system coordinates communication between the different brain regions, helping your brain to learn and function.

Bilingual adults have increased white matter integrity compared to adults who only speak one language. Their second language experience actually boosts their brain’s reserves.

Students who are learning a second language later in life can still benefit from some of the neurological changes that happen to speakers of second languages, no matter what level they are at. Having new experiences (novelty) is an important factor in forming new connections in the brain and strengthening nervous system links. These links and connections are maintained through regular practice.

Studying a new language combines novelty with practice. For example, students learn new words and grammatical constructs and spend time reviewing and building on their previous knowledge as part of the learning process.

This combination is one of the reasons that language learning is such an effective brain workout and protects older learners against dementia and other degenerative neurological conditions.

But everyone can benefit from language learning. It is arguably one of the most complex mental activities you can do. So, it’s a powerful way to exercise your brain.

Given the measurable impact of language learning on the brain, it’s no surprise that these physical changes are accompanied by the improvement of certain other skills such as communication, creativity, recall and concentration.

Researchers across different studies have found that studying a language seems to unlock students’ creative abilities. This could be the result of the thought processes involved in language learning. These include translation, language switching and disciplined study, along with a willingness to learn and adapt.

Language learning skills will help learners in all areas of their lives, improving their mental abilities, and helping them with problem-solving and decision–making. Ultimately, this all goes towards enriching their personal, social and professional relationships.

You also might have heard similar advice like:

All of these (possibly overused) sayings boil down to the same basic message: it’s vital to live in the present moment.

In our current twenty-first century lives, it’s not easy. There’s always something coming up that we need to prepare for or anticipate, and our lives are so well-documented that it’s never been easier to get lost in the past.

Given the fast pace and hectic schedules most of us keep, a base level of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness is the new norm. You may not even realize it, but this tendency to get sucked into the past and the future can leave you perpetually worn out and feeling out of touch with yourself.

The cure for this condition is what so many people have been saying all along: conscious awareness and a commitment to staying in the “now.” Living in the present moment is the solution to a problem you may not have known you had.

You might be thinking that this all sounds great, but what does it actually mean to “live in the present moment?” How could we be living in anything but the present? Read on to find out!

This Article Contains:

When we are aware and present, we don’t need to worry about getting caught up in thoughts of our past or anxiety about our future—we can revisit our past and anticipate what is to come without losing ourselves.

Speaking of worry, present moment awareness is a great way to cut down on how much you worry.

Follow these six steps to become more attuned to the present and rid yourself of excess anxiety:

You will probably not be surprised to hear that yoga is an excellent way to get connected to the present and stay in the moment.

There are many reasons why yoga is helpful for mindfulness, but one of the biggest is certainly the focus on the breath.

As yoga teacher and enthusiast Kelle Yokeley says,

When we focus our attention on our breath, we have no choice but to be in the present.

To bring yourself back into the present in a moment of stress or when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the past or the future, you can try this breathing exercise from Yokeley:

This simple exercise will bring you straight to the present, even dragging along a stubborn mind that is preoccupied with worries.

Another factor associated with yoga that allows us to boost our present moment awareness is the postures and poses that we make with our bodies. You might find that as soon as you get into a good pose, your mind becomes flooded with restless thoughts (called “Monkey Mind” by Buddhists).

As irritating as this can be, it’s actually a good thing—it means that we are beginning to process our stress and getting to a point where we can truly practice mindfulness (Bielkus, 2012).

Yoga’s gentle flow from one position to the next is a perfect opportunity to cultivate the ability to stay present. The transitions mimic the changes we experience as we go from working to resting to cooking to cleaning to sleeping and everything else in between.

If you enjoy yoga and want to work on your present moment awareness, give this affirmation a try:

If the breathing exercise above sounds helpful, you might want to try some other exercises intended to boost your mindfulness and sense of present moment awareness. These 5 exercises are some good ways to get started.

Do a mindful body scan

This simple exercise is a great way to get yourself in a mindful mood and get in touch with your body. Doing this in the morning can also help you get your day off to a good start.

While sitting or lying down on your bed (just make sure not to fall asleep if you try this lying down!), take a few deep, mindful breaths. Notice the way your breath enters and exits your lungs.

Starting with your toes, focus your attention on one part of your body at a time. Pay attention to how that area is feeling and notice any sensations that you are experiencing (Scott, n.d.). After a few moments of focused attention, move up to the next part of your body (i.e., after your toes, focus on your feet, then ankles, then calves, etc.).

This is not only a good method for putting you in a mindful state right off the bat, it can also help you notice when your body is feeling differently than normal. You might catch an injury or illness that you wouldn’t normally notice, just by taking a few minutes each morning to scan your body.

Write in a journal / “Morning pages”

Another good exercise that can help you set the right mindful tone for the day is to write in your journal. A specific version of this exercise that is endorsed by author Julia Cameron is called “Morning Pages.”

Here’s how to use your journal as a stepping block to a more mindful day.

Early in the morning, before you’ve headed off to work or school or started checking things off your long to-do list, take a few minutes to pull out your journal or a notebook and make an entry.

You can do a new page each day and simply write however much you feel like writing, or you can try Cameron’s Morning Pages exercise:

“Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages—they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind—and they are for your eyes only.

Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize, and synchronize the day at hand” (Cameron, n.d., as cited in Scott, n.d.).

Whether you follow Cameron’s guidelines or not, taking just a few minutes to write down any mindless “chatter” in your head or log any particularly insightful dreams can clear your head and help you start your day off in a mindful state.

Visualize your daily goals

Visualizing your goals is an excellent method for not only making it more likely that you will follow through on your goals, it can also help you become more mindful on a regular basis.

When you have set your daily goals (see #15 – Define Three Daily Goals on this list if you need help with this piece), take a few moments to visualize each one (Scott, n.d.).

See yourself undertaking each goal and completing each goal today. Get as much detail as you can in your visualization, so it feels real and within your reach.

When you can see yourself checking that daily goal off your list, move on to the next goal and repeat until you have visualized all of your daily goals.

Practicing visualization of goal completion can not only help you improve your focus and mindfulness, it can also lower your stress, improve your performance, enhance your preparedness, and give you the extra energy or motivation you might need to accomplish everything on your list.

Take a mindful nature walk

Taking advantage of the natural beauty around us is another good way to cultivate greater mindfulness.

The next time you feel the need for a walk—whether it’s a quick trip around the block or a lengthy stroll through a pretty, scenic spot—make it a mindful nature walk.

It’s pretty simple to make any walk a mindful walk; all you need to do is engage all your senses and stay aware of what’s happening both around you and within you.

Be intentional with your awareness; notice your feet hitting the ground with each step, see everything there is to see around you, open your ears to all the sounds surrounding you, feel each inhale and exhale, and just generally be aware of what is happening in each moment.

This exercise helps you not only connect to your authentic self, but it also helps connect you to your environment and improves your awareness of the beauty that’s all around, just waiting to be found. Add these benefits to the known benefits of walking regularly—lowered stress, better heart health, and improved mood—and you have one handy exercise!

Conduct a mindful review of your day

It can be easy to get tired and worn out by the end of the day and let things slip. To help you keep that mindful tone at the end of the day, try this exercise.

Towards the end of your day, perhaps after you finish all of your “must-dos” for the day or right before heading off to bed, take a few minutes to do a review of your day (Scott, n.d.).

Think back to the start of the day and remember your mindfulness exercise that kicked it all off. Think about how it made you feel.

Think through the rest of your day, being sure to note any particularly mindful moments or memorable events. Take stock of your mood as you moved through your daily routine.

If you want to keep track of your progress towards greater mindfulness, it’s a great idea to write all of this down in a journal or a diary; however, the point is to give yourself yet another opportunity to be mindful and end your day on the right note.

One of the best tools to keep yourself in the present moment is meditation.

Any meditation will do, but there are some meditation practices geared specifically towards present moment awareness.

To give this meditation a try, follow these simple steps:

Although mindfulness meditation is a pretty broad catch-all term for the types of techniques that help you be more mindful and more committed to the present moment, there are some specific kinds of mindful meditations that you can try.

These kinds include:

If you find yourself struggling to use these techniques or implement these tools and tricks, and/or if you are dealing with a diagnosed mental disorder like depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, present moment psychotherapy may be just what you need.

Present moment psychotherapy is like any other type of therapy, but it adds a twist with its focus on present moment awareness.

As therapist and founder of Present Moment Psychotherapy & Coaching Adrienne Glasser states, present moment psychotherapy is about “regulating our nervous system through an integration of traditional therapeutic modalities with modern, experiential modalities and meditation” (n.d.).

You may find this focus on being present and mindful to be a powerful complement to traditional, evidence-based methods of treatment.

And you feel like giving up.

I’ve been there.

The constant shadow of ‘that feeling’. The feeling that you could do better, that you could be trying harder, that you’re not living your ‘big life’. The life you envisioned for yourself.

For some reason, you just can’t make it happen.

Everything stays the same even though the conversation in your head repeats daily. You know what you need to do, you know how, you just… can’t.

My biggest fear 4 years ago is that I was wasting away. That’s what happens you build yourself up with success stories (I used to listen to Guy Raz, How I Built This on repeat).

Every day I indulged in somebody else’s success. It filled me with excitement, energy, and envy. Almost immediately after the podcast ended I’d braindump all my goals, this was it, this time it was different:

Lol. The trouble with these goals is 2-fold. First, they are, as you’d perhaps agree, ambitious. Being at $0 and trying to make $1 million in a year, with a full-time job and no idea of what I wanted to build was, well, a stretch. The other thing is that there was little thought in these goals, they were cookie-cutter dreams. And cookie-cutter dreams are empty.

The mistake I made for the longest time was not looking deep enough into what I wanted. Not the world around me. Me. Instead of getting to the bottom of my ambitions, and asking myself what my dream day actually looked like, I would take the same cookie cutter and chop out my goals.

It meant that sure I had a list of goals, but I didn’t really resonate with them.

The truth is, what I really wanted is to feel like I was doing something with my life. That I was building. I had all these thoughts about things in the world you see and they just spiraled in my head.

They had no outlet, and I had no way to funnel my thoughts, they just got tangled together and caused my bother every day. Beyond the money, and the material things, what I really wanted is to feel like I was doing something with my thoughts.

That’s it.

I needed a way to feel like I was doing something about all these thoughts I had in my head. And that’s when I found writing.

If you’re sitting reading this, thinking the same thing, that maybe your dreams were just a regurgitation, that’s okay. The trick is to use that to dig deeper. The best question I’ve come up with to ask is this:

What does your dream (every day) day look like?

I’m not talking if you had 1 day to live and how would you spend it. If you had thousands of days left to live and you had to do something, be somewhere, what would you be doing? You might not come up with the answer straight away but keep asking.

The one thing that erodes self-respect quicker than anything else is not taking accountability. For years I’d got into this horrendous cycle of saying I’d do things but never doing them.

It was awful.

I had no faith in myself. The years had decayed an ounce of self-respect I had left. I had to start from scratch. I mean really small. Like tiny.

When I started writing I started by saying I’d write for 10 minutes a day. It was so small, so insignificant, so easy that I did it. And then, because I actually enjoyed it, I kept showing up.

 If you’re used to telling yourself you’d do things and never actually do them, step one is building back your trust in yourself. You do that by starting unbelievably small. 

Don’t tell yourself you are going to write a book by next week, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Be kind to yourself, start with 10 minutes today.

Slowly, over the weeks and then months, you can steadily increase the time you spend on your writing. Like a marathon runner starting training, you don’t go and run 16 miles on day one, you pace yourself. You start with a little warm-up run for 10 minutes.

The same goes for writing. Take it slow. Increase over time. Build up your ability.

​In many fictional worlds, magic, and language seem to be intrinsically connected.
Whenever our favorite character cast a spell, it is connected to an incantation, mantra, or “magic words” which seem to have the power to command nature and bend reality around them.

Rarely do we learn why the magic words have the power that they do. In the Harry Potter series, for example, we get very little explanation as to why some words seem to be laced with magic potential and others do not.

Words do have a magic quality, even if this magic is not intrinsically supernatural; and the way that we speak to ourselves and others can be as damaging as the most malicious curse or as bewitching as the deepest enchantment.

The magic of words happens between people.
With careful use of language, it is possible to weave a believable picture in the mind of another person. By describing an object in detail, we can dependably transfer an image or concept from one person’s mind to another. In short, one can create an illusion or a hallucination of an object, merely through the power of words.

The most powerful use of words is not merely the descriptions we give objects, but rather, ideas and beliefs. When we successfully communicate a set of ideas or beliefs to another person, we can entirely change their understanding of the world.

 In this way, words have the potential to be life-changing. You never know when you might discover an idea or a belief so inspiring or enlightening that it feels as though you can no longer see life the same way anymore.

I’m not describing pseudoscience like “Neuro-linguistic programming” (NLP), performances like stage hypnosis, or new-age ideas of manifestation and affirmation. Words have the potential to be laced with real, tangible, magic.

For example, once upon a time, it wasn’t uncommon for humans to believe that the Earth was at the center of the universe. The idea that the world we live in was center-stage in some cosmic drama made it seems like each human was more significant; playing an essential role in the mysterious plan of an all-knowing deity.

But what if the world was not at the center of the universe?
What if the universe was vast and indifferent, and the earth instead spun around the sun, and the sun was merely hurdling through space without a clear destination? Where does that leave us when we are no longer in the cosmic spotlight?

From one day to the next, this may not change your life. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. But this new perspective changes the way that we see ourselves, in relationship to everything else. To live in a world where we are the center of the universe, or to live in a world that is cosmically indifferent, is to live in two entirely different realities.

Many are subtly aware of the power of words, and thus, spend an inordinate amount of time trying to concoct the correct words in the right sequence to cast the right “spell”. They think that if they can just say the right thing, it will be convincing enough to change another person’s mind.

Imagine two people interlocked in a debate.
The two individuals put their arguments on the table and make an effort to persuade the other. Like a contest, it is possible to discern subjectively who has “won” the argument, but the problem is that neither of the two individuals participating in the argument itself has changed their minds. We can see two people masterfully using words, but the magic seems to have been lost.

Many people use words like blunt objects.
Moving through the world trying to persuade, convince and manipulate other people. In this case, their use of words is merely a means to an end. When words are just tools for manipulation, they are void of their magic quality in the same way that two people debating for sport fail to truly change each other’s minds.

 This is difficult for many to wrap their mind around precisely because they are taught that the purpose of words is to “get what you want”. 

Most of the time the only reason we talk, text, or send emails is because we want something, and words are the most expedient vehicle to make our wants and needs known. Thus, when most people communicate it, it almost always seems to lack a magic quality.

Words are magic when they are an end in and of themselves.
When the purpose of the use of words is merely communication and connection, then the words are invigorated with a magic potential. When two people share concepts, beliefs, and ideas for their own sake, and not to try to convince, manipulate or control the other person, suddenly the ideas can take on a life of their own.

Consider the conversations which you have found the most compelling.
These are the regrettably rare situations where two people are merely talking, sharing, and expressing interest and curiosity without judgment. Those gifted with the magic of words are able to articulate their ideas precisely but without aim. Like a work of art hanging in a museum, they can use words to paint a vivid picture, but leave the words themselves to be interpreted by the other person as they see fit.

We often find that those who are gifted in weaving magic into their words are particularly wise; they have unique lived experiences which have taught life lessons not easily found in books. When they speak and share ideas, it is as if they are reliving the experiences themselves as they are explaining them to us. When someone tells a meaningful story, shares a rare experience, or passionately recants the conclusions of their research, the words take on a magic quality.

The secret ingredient is empathy.
Magic words give others the opportunity to empathize with us; they allow the other person to take our perspective, and to briefly see the world through our unique philosophy. When we use words like blunt objects to get what we want, they are difficult to empathize with, but when communication is an end-in-itself, and not merely a means to an end, they become magic.

Philosopher Edith Stein in the book, “On the Problem of Empathy” details empathy as “the basic form in which other embodied, experiencing subjects are given to us”. In other words, empathy is the feeling that we get when we witness and become aware of the consciousness of other people.

Most of the time we regard other people as “strangers” to be avoided, ignored, or merely interacted with as a means to an end. We see other people as “objects” and in doing so we “objectify” them. But when we encounter evidence that other people are just as conscious as we are; that they have their own mind, “soul” and lived experiences just as vivid and complex as our own, we suddenly “empathize” with them.

They are no longer merely an object, but become a “subject”, and this awareness of the subjectivity of others is itself “empathy”, according to Stein. When others empathize with us, and vice-versa, the resulting connection leaves a lasting impression on us. In many cases, these magic encounters change the way we see the world in subtle ways, for better or for worse, as enchanting revelations or baneful curses.

While this is an admittedly whimsical explanation, it seems there are many things about communication, interpersonal relationships, and the magic of words that we cannot fully articulate. There is something declaratively healing, curative, and therapeutic about merely authentic connection with others as evidenced by decades of research on psychotherapy outcomes.

While psychologists have techniques, theories, and frameworks that guide therapy, time and time again it has been proven that the most potent “magic” of how therapy helps to cure depression and anxiety is the relationship itself.

In this video, Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, shares 13 lessons that he believes can help individuals lead more fulfilling and successful lives.

Here’s a brief summary of each lesson:

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back:
   Peterson argues that good posture is important for both physical and mental health, and can give you a sense of confidence and assertiveness.
2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping:
   Many people are better at taking care of others than themselves, but Peterson argues that we should prioritize self-care and treat ourselves with the same compassion and care that we give to others.
3. Make friends with people who want the best for you:
   Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people can help you achieve your goals and maintain a sense of well-being.
4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today:
   Instead of focusing on others and their achievements, Peterson suggests that we focus on our own progress and growth.
5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them:
   As a parent, it’s important to set boundaries and discipline your children, but also to avoid treating them in a way that would lead to resentment or dislike.
6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world:
   Before we start trying to change the world, Peterson argues that we should first focus on improving ourselves and our immediate surroundings.
7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient):
   Rather than simply seeking pleasure or comfort, Peterson suggests that we should pursue goals that are meaningful and contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
8. Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie:
   Honesty is important for building trust and maintaining healthy relationships, both with ourselves and others.
9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t:
   Peterson argues that we should approach conversations and interactions with an open mind and a willingness to learn from others.
10. Be precise in your speech:
    Using clear and precise language can help us communicate our ideas effectively and avoid misunderstandings.
11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding:
    Peterson uses this lesson to illustrate the importance of allowing children to take risks and make mistakes, which can help them develop confidence and resilience.
12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street:
    This lesson is meant to emphasize the importance of finding joy and pleasure in small moments of everyday life.
13. Don’t let bullies get away with it:
    Finally, Peterson argues that we should stand up to bullies and injustice, both for our own sake and for the sake of others who may be victimized.

Overall, Peterson’s 13 life lessons are meant to encourage individuals to take responsibility for their own lives and well-being, while also contributing positively to the world around them.

But if you can, you’ll save thousands of hours

There are 4 things, just 4 that I wish someone had sat me down at 11 and told me.

Just these 4 would have saved me more than a thousand hours of wasted time scratching my head wondering what on Earth is going on. They are the source of the vast majority of procrastination and learning about them has x10 my productivity.

Here’s hoping you don’t waste a thousand hours. Here are the 4 unsettling truths about life.

This sucks and there is no nice way to put it so let’s just get it over and done with so we can talk about what we can do with it.

Here’s the truth, nobody is coming to save you.

 Watch a few too many Disney movies and you’ll be fooled into thinking that life is just waiting around the corner and there will be someone that comes riding in on a white horse to pick you up and show you the way. 

That’s not going to happen.

For most people, the reality is that they wait, nobody comes and they then regret spending their time waiting. The reality is, that we’re all busy living our own stories, someone saving you requires them to stop thinking about their life and start thinking about yours.

They won’t.

Knowing that, as painful as it is, helps you. It means that you won’t wait around, you know this thing is up to you and only you. I was 25 years old when I realized this truth.

Here’s what changed for me:

I’ve never looked back.

Most people you talk to will tell you that 9–5 sucks.

It’s soul-destroying, it’s monotonous, and it’s no way to live. Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I know lots of people that enjoy what they do. The trouble is when we expect a good job to be all good days. That’s never going to happen.

Your dream job will have bad days.

Even when you close your eyes and dream up a life that would fill your heart. When you let your mind flow into who you could be. When you build it all up and plan out your amazing life.

That life, that one you’ve dreamed about, yep that one. That one will have bad days. I heard a quote once and it really stuck with me:

“When I’m having a bad day, I stop and ask myself did I always think I’d have good days? The answer is obviously no.”

Bad days are part of the agreement. When you sign up for life, you sign up for all the emotions that come with it. The good, the bad, the ugly. The good news though is that a bad day doesn’t make a bad life.

A bad day in the office doesn’t make a bad job.

Too many bad days make a bad job. Too many bad days make a bad life.

I have two quotes hanging in my office.

I’m about to move house so those quotes are due to come off the walls. When they do and when I find a new house to live in, there will be a third quote joining those two and it’ll read this:

This resonates to the core of who I am. It might resonate with you too. When we’re young we’re told the world is our oyster. You can be anything our parents tell us. We’re giddy with excitement as we bump into the world and try to figure out who we are. That fun. But there comes a point you must decide.

Here’s what I’ve learned about life: there is so much to do that you’ll never do it all. So you must pick carefully. You must explore and choose the few things in life that light your soul. That makes your eyes glisten and your heart full. Pick those things. And go all in.

Jump in. If it feeds your spirit do it. Don’t ask for permission. But don’t give up on it. Don’t flip-flop between. Don’t half-heart it.  Try. I mean really try. 

This isn’t toxic productivity. This isn’t the road to burnout. This isn’t hustle culture. This is passion. Passion is choosing.

It’s hilarious to me that everyone walks around pretending they know what they’re doing. It’s because everyone else is doing the exact same thing that they feel obligated to join in. I do it all the time.

I think there is one thing that, if we’re all honest, we can agree on: nobody has the slightest idea of what is going on.

How could we?

We’re sat on a spinning ball, communicating over sparks of electricity, in the midst of a global pandemic when the world is melting, trying to work out what on Earth is going on.

You flit between forgetting that you put the washer on and the washing has been sitting damp in the machine for an hour to contemplating if the world is going to exist in 30 years’ time.

How can anyone possibly feel like they have their stuff together?

I’m convinced that most good things happen by chance. Most love stories are happy accidents. Life is just a lottery. Nobody knows what on Earth is going on. Not really. In fact, my new rule of thumb is those that who claim that they do are the ones that know the least.

But men ever hardly do!

What can you do to be more attractive to women? Well, it ain’t the looks, money, or success that makes you more attractive.

It’s more simple than that. Actually, it’s being attractive is so simple that it happens by accident.

But if you’re not caught up in one of the lucky accidents, here are a few things that might help:

Wait for a second, do you want me to talk less?  Exactly, I want you to talk less for the sake of listening more.  A wise man once said that if you listen you learn. Without listening there’s no learning. There’s just talking.

The first rule is to talk less. Talking less brings order to the chaos and helps you to improve your communication. The less you talk, the better is. People who talk too much often listen too little. You don’t want to follow their tracks. Instead, enjoy the benefits of talking less(…)

Listening is the only antidote to chaos. If you can’t listen, you shouldn’t talk because anything you say has the potential to harm your relationship and partner.

Learning to listen takes time, courage, and maturity. Before you got the three, you shouldn’t consider yourself a good listener. Listening is the opposite of speaking — you don’t speak, listen. Keep your mouth shut and open your ears, heart, and mind.

Forcing yourself to listen can be tough but necessary. Anything else results in chaos. Learning to listen kills the pointless drama you’re suffering with a woman.

Listening cuts out the suffering part completely because you no longer see yourself as the victim of the situation. As soon as you listen, you will control the situation. How?

Let’s compare your argument to a fire. Your words are the burning wood, and your uncontrolled emotions are the oxygen. When you listen, you stop giving the fire what needs: wood. And you cut off the oxygen by being emotionally aware of your partner. Emotional awareness requires you to listen. And listening increases your awareness. So that’s a win-win.

You know that not everyone is great at this — and many men are terrible listeners in general. But here’s the thing: if you want women to really like you, then listen to what they say and take action on it. It will make all the difference in your ability to connect with women and get them interested in hanging out with you!

Listening is the fast track to talking less. Also, it’s the kindest approach you can take. You might wonder how other people get to know you if you’re not talking about yourself. Part of the answer is that they don’t get to know you faster than you get to know them. That’s another benefit of talking less. You realize much quicker who you’re dealing with.

Talking less will prevent you from

So, there are countless benefits beyond women that you’ll reap as soon as you talk less and listen more.

A bright smile makes you more attractive to women. No, I’m not referring to the dirty smile — keep that one locked in the bedroom.

I’m referring to a genuine smile that breaks most hearts. Smiling more takes courage, but it’s also attractive.

A smile is not just a sign of happiness or contentment — it’s also a sign of confidence and strength, which is something we all need in life. Research proves that smiling alters your confidence.

Confident people smile more, and so should you, even if you don’t feel like it at all. Studies highlight that smiling increases your self-image.

If you smile for a little, you might look and feel better. Try it out in front of a mirror. When you get up in the morning, smile at yourself. How do you feel after smiling at yourself?

According to science, smiling makes you feel happier. It’s a trick you can pull on yourself whenever you don’t feel like it.

A positive attitude makes you more appealing because it’s refreshing to meet someone who ain’t negative. I am sure that you suffered from encounters with negative people.

We all have this one college, friend, or family member that’s consumed by the negative sides of life. Interacting with negative people rubs off. It’s the fast track to feeling down.

If you want to avoid this experience, embrace the good sides of life. Actually, forcing yourself to see the good sides in life will make you see more and more.

There’s no way in stopping. Once you start, you’ll see and attract the positive things in life at a high speed. All that requires is a shift in your mindset.

That positive attitude will make you more attractive. Your behavior makes you magnetic. Women love to be with an optimistic man. Far too many men are negative about life. Feelings like resentment, fear, or hate hold’em from enjoying themselves.

Are you sincere? That’s a tough question, but you should, because many women wish for a sincere partner. Sincerity provides comfort, safety, and commitment — three qualities that women highly regard in men.

Sincerity makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a sign of maturity that women of all ages love. Also, it puts the odds in your favor when you’re meeting her parents or friends. All they want is a good partner for their daughter or friend. If you appear to be sincere, you win them over easily.

Also, being sincere prevents you from getting caught up in casual drama. It definitely makes you stick out, but usually in a good way. Showing a woman that you’re a sincere man makes her want you more even if that means she can’t have you right now.

While women on social media want you to embrace your feminine side, dominance is what makes most women desire you sexually. I get it it’s nice to be around a feminine man, but doing ‘traditionally’ feminine things doesn’t make you more desirable. It makes you good company, a good friend, and easy to be around, but hot…. I think we all know the answer if we’re willing, to be honest with ourselves.

First, you need to know that women love submitting in bed. “If a guy is very dominant, I immediately surrender,” told a friend. Other women agreed. It’s not just our friend group that craves submission. Women love it for the competitive edge it offers. If you submit to your partner, you build your partner up, and that’s freaking hot. Almost any woman desires a hungry beast in the bedroom.

So, what do I mean by dominance? Certainly, not being a dick, but knowing what you want and how you want it. Dominance is a sub-genre of confidence. Many men fail to be dominant because they mistake it for being a dick. That’s not the case. If you act like a dick, you get treated like one. So, be better and be confident.

Confident men don’t feel the need to boss others around, judge, or argue. Since they already figured out what they want and who they want to be with, they don’t waste time on things that don’t contribute to their goals.

 Dominance is assertive confidence. 

Women desire dominant lovers that know how to please a woman. Your dominant confidence is sexy, seductive, and incredibly hot if it’s followed by great sex. Make sure you’re not just dominant, but also know how to please a woman. Dominance alone won’t make her cum(…)

As much women enjoy a dominant lover, we favor men that submit or at least commit to our pleasure. In other words, do what feels good for us without questioning it…

Look around. We’re not living in the realm of the well-adjusted.

Do you know what really sucks about recovering yourself from childhood trauma? All the realizations. There are a lot of painful truths that bubble up. When you let yourself fully slide down the rabbit hole, when you follow all the threads, you realize that a lot of failures have led you to where you are. Specifically, the failure of your parents to give you the emotional and mental groundwork you need to thrive.

That’s apparent when you look around at the world. Getting a foothold and a second to breathe between your own waves of pain, you see the patterns in many other people around you, too.

Because the truth is that most of us are traumatized. Most of us are moving through this life hurting and confused, still wounded from things that were done to us when we were too young to understand what was happening. It’s a tough place to be. Once you see this truth, look around at the rest of the world.

When does the trauma stop? Because it hasn’t stopped yet. Look around. The world wouldn’t look the way it does if more of us had been raised by healthy, well-adjusted parents who had the best intentions in mind for their children, their families, and their communities.

What is the first thing you see when you turn on the news or open your favorite news app? These days, it’s war. It’s the plague. It’s another shooting or the gruesome discovery of bodies. Announcement of recessions skewed and twisted election results. Everywhere you look, it feels like it’s bad news. Mostly, it is.

When you look at the big picture, the world isn’t getting *that much* better. If anything, it’s staying pretty much the same — which is alarming all on its own. In 200+ years, the greatest advancement we’ve gotten is adding more tax-paying citizens to the workforce. Everything else? All those old, rotten elements of the past we deplore? They all exist still, only the shape has changed.

Climate change continues, accelerated and unfettered. The gap between those with and those without gets wider by the day. Gun crime? It’s been relatively unchanged in America since the turn of the century (where they still had gun fights and school massacres). The system strips more and more individual rights with every election cycle. The world isn’t getting better for those living in it on the ground, away from the ivory towers.

We can no longer ignore the role that parents have played in creating this mess. Every single generation has created hurt and short-sighted adults who are low in empathy and even lower in the sense of true human community. They are incapable of critical thinking or seeing the bigger picture, and they weren’t made in a vacuum. They were raised by parents who didn’t do their jobs well.

There is a distinct lack of emotional maturity that’s happening in societies around the world. Just look at *any* American election cycle. The minute candidates are announced, the mudslinging starts. And it doesn’t even happen between the candidates as much as it happens online, between strangers, friends, and family who become absolutely warlike in their support of their favorite politicians.

They call each other names. They whip out personal insults and grievances. Some individuals get so angry that they “doxx” others (meaning to get them outed publicly and even fired from their jobs).

It gets vicious, and one can’t help but see the drastic emotional immaturity in all of this behavior. None of this visceral anger and explosive reaction is normal in someone who is emotionally mature, someone who understands their emotions and how they affect the opportunities they want to create.

Our parents have to take a hit for this. The stage for our emotional well-being is set in childhood, with the lessons we get from our parents. We watch how emotionally mature they are, and we copy that maturity (or immaturity) in ourselves. If they send us out into the world without the right emotional tools, we repeat poor life behaviors just like them.

Without a doubt, one of the greatest roles of a parent is protection. They bring a totally defenseless life onto the planet, and it is their responsibility not only to raise that life — but to defend and protect it, too. This can’t just apply to the literal sense. The bigger picture has to be considered here too.

Part of the parental responsibility of protecting your child is readying the environment for them. You don’t just stand next to them and beat away the monsters. You also have to prepare for the environments they’re going to be in. Protect them from the dangers that exist by getting rid of those dangers before the child exists.

Our parents didn’t do that. Look around. If you’re a woman, the world is dangerous in every single place you go. Not your bedroom, the bathroom, a classroom, a bus, or a library. As a woman in 2022, you don’t even own your own body. For minorities living in countries like America, it’s much the same.

The world is rarely made radically better before a new generation comes in. Our parents do little to make drastic changes to this world before they birth us to reaffirm their own greatness and importance to themselves (and other parents like them). They shoot first and ask questions later.

Our parents didn’t protect us by making the world a better place. In fact, in many respects, they made it worse and then left us to struggle with it. Of course, with none of the support that we need in order to be successful and healthy as human beings.

Then there’s the support to consider. What supports exist in this world for most of us? If it all goes wrong, if you lost everything tomorrow, would there be a network of people there ready to scoop you up and put it right? Most of us are wanderers with no village these days.

We lack the social supports we need, the mental and emotional health support we need, and the physical health support. Financial, material, you name it. It’s not there. The majority of us grow up in lack and we exist in a constant state of lack thereafter. There’s little support like that in the modern world.

Where do you sit on the emotional intelligence scale? Different from emotional maturity, emotional intelligence is our understanding of emotion and emotional motivation. Yes, you must learn about these things in yourself. True emotional intelligence is more than that, however. You can realize emotional patterns in others.

That’s the basis for empathy. As your emotional intelligence grows, so does your empathy for the experience of other people.

Would you describe the current world we live in as a genuinely empathetic one? As a society, do we work hard to take care of the weakest among us? Do we hold them in softness? Or do we judge them? Do we close our hearts to them and make a laundry list of excuses why they are not worthy of help?

If one looked at the rates of homelessness in the United States, certain answers arise. Those answers become even more apparent when you watch videos of Kensington Avenue and see the pain and the hopelessness there.

An empathetic society isn’t one that casts out those in the greatest hurt. They don’t judge them, condemn them, or punish them. Even when that person has made wrong choices, empathy is held. Compassion is prioritized.

Now, look at your own relationships. Have you partnered with a lot of abusers? A lot of people who put you down? Made you small? Would they have done that if they had a wellspring of empathy to relate to you from? If they had been emotionally intelligent, what could that relationship have been?

What would this world look like, do you think, if more of us had been trained to see the “lowest” among us with an intimate understanding of how emotional health works? Would we struggle so greatly with our own emotions — our relationships, our careers — if our parents had taught us emotional intelligence tools? Probably not.

In this increasingly digital world, more of us are feeling isolated than ever before. The problems were already there, however, growing each day long before computers, smartphones, and social media became a thing. Why? We can’t ignore the part that broken parents have played in this equation.

Again, the foundation of our communication skills is set in childhood. We learn how to communicate our feelings and our needs to our parents, who then teach us what to expect based on those responses.

Consider the child who is never given the freedom to develop in this arena. The child who is yelled at when they express emotion are told “not to cry” or that they’re being babies for having feelings they react to. Now, consider the child who is punished for their emotions. The child is punished when they ask for something or set boundaries with a parent.

Who does this child grow into? It’s an important question to consider.

Does that punished child become a well-adjusted adult who communicates their feelings openly and with ease? Are they are a person who sets boundaries? Are they a person so angry at the denial of their parents that they go the extra distance to deny and diminish the boundaries of others?

It’s the flip of a coin. Either way, adults who don’t communicate their needs and emotions healthily are usually adults who were punished or gaslighted as children. Peel the layers back and you find someone whose needs were never met. Who can deny the role of the parent in making people who roam the world hurt themselves and others?

Critical thinking skills feel like they’re at an all-time low. Too many people take all the wrong things at face value. Few people bother to look beneath the surface anymore. It’s led to political unrest, social division, and struggles in our personal lives and relationships. All of it is  because we haven’t learned how to question our experiences (or ourselves). 

Partially, this comes down to education. Critical thinking is not a skill that is prioritized in curriculums that daily pull funding from things like ethics, social studies, history, music, and art. This complex skill is not a priority when teachers can’t even feed their families.

But what’s behind the development of these curriculums? The laws that deprive educators? Twisted people, were instilled with outdated understandings, values, and dogma by parents who were emotionally immature and devoid of a wider social empathy. How were they made? They didn’t come out of a cabbage path.

Now bring yourself back home. If schools aren’t doing the work of teaching critical thinking skills, then surely the parents are? All parents would want their child to have the ability to sus-out the truth for themselves…no?

Look around.

Parents aren’t stepping in. Critical thinking skills are not going up. Not Gen X, not Millennials, and certainly not Gen Z.

We’re not leaning into questioning ourselves. The majority of us don’t question what we’re told by friends or enemies, family or our bosses, celebrities, and politicians who hold sway over their personality cults.

Increasingly, we are becoming a society that questions nothing. We play along with what we’re sold and move emotionally at any commercial whim. Parents aren’t breaking that cycle. Because they don’t know how to, they are ignorant of the realities, or they don’t want to. The truth is in the patterns.

Why wouldn’t a parent teach their child this method of self-protection? Why wouldn’t they want them to question what they’re told? Well, blind obedience is easier for a parent than autonomy.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, a lot of the main stage drama in this world that holds sway is a mirror of the mommy and daddy issues so many of us have. The roots cannot be denied. The foundations are laid in the family, where we are told that the role of the parent is unquestionable. It’s beyond reproach. We are to obey our parents because they are powerful. What’s the resulting association in adulthood? People above us are above question.

This can create a blind allegiance pattern, which we then see playing out in the blind allegiance of millions to their favorite politicians, celebrities, and athletes. All of this is reinforced by childhood values, too. Break it down. We are taught to “love our parents no matter what”. We are also told we must defend them no matter what.

This validates and vindicates everything they say because they are mommy and daddy is always right. No person should have such unquestionable power. We are all human, all able to make mistakes. We should be accountable for those mistakes and not bury our heads in delusion out of preference for comfort.

The change we crave in this world has to start with parents. They are the ones who have to end the generational patterns of trauma and toxicity. They are the ones who can raise new generations of emotionally intelligent, emotionally mature, compassionate, healthy people.

All of that is going to require a major change, though. Not only on a personal level but on a societal level, too. We have to take the realities above and change the entire way we build parents and families.

Parents have to change not only the way they parent but *why* they parent. Instead of bringing children into the world to better their lives, they have to do it to better the condition of the world as a whole.

That’s a big ask because it means not seeing your child as a direct extension of yourself. It’s a big ask because it’s going to mean even bigger sacrifices and even harder work from you on a mental and emotional level. You’ve got to see your role as creating a piece of the future, not creating a source of unconditional love and validation for you as a parent.

Families have to change. What we expect from them, what we put into them, it all has to change. Start there, and you may just get a future that’s worth fighting for.

How Your Thoughts Can Influence Outcomes in Your Life

 The law of attraction is a philosophy suggesting that positive thoughts bring positive results into a person’s life, while negative thoughts bring negative outcomes.  It is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy and that positive energy attracts success in all areas of life, including health, finances, and relationships.

Based on these lofty promises, it begs the question: Is the law of attraction real? While the law of attraction has generated attention in recent years due to books like “The Secret,” it lacks scientific evidence for its claims and is generally viewed as a pseudoscience.

How does the law of attraction work? Essentially, the energy of your thoughts manifests your experiences. So positive thoughts manifest positive experiences and vice versa. Advocates suggest there are central universal principles that make up the law of attraction:

So how do you get started with the law of attraction? According to this philosophy, you create your own reality. What you focus on is what you draw into your life. It suggests that what you believe will happen in your life is what does happen.

Some things that you can do to incorporate the law of attraction into your own life include:

While the law of attraction may not be an immediate solution for all of life’s challenges, it can help you learn to cultivate a more optimistic outlook on life. It may also help you stay motivated to continue working toward your goals.

Relationships

You can use some elements of the law of attraction to work toward your relationship goals. One way to do this is to become more aware of the things that might be holding you back when it comes to allowing love in your life.

If you notice that issues like a fear of vulnerability keep you from forging strong romantic connections, you can start taking steps to overcome those fears. Approaching your relationships with positivity may help you form healthier relationships.

Work

The law of attraction can also be useful for achieving your professional goals. While people sometimes mistakenly believe that simply thinking positively about your career aspirations will manifest positive changes, the key is to use your long-term goals to make specific, concrete changes in the present that will help you take steps toward your goals.

For example, simply hoping for higher pay isn’t enough. Taking actions such as acquiring marketable skills, seeking promotions, or even pursuing a new position are steps you can take that will pay off in the future. According to the law of attraction, focusing your energy in positive ways will bring positive changes to your life in the future.

Money

Manifesting financial changes in your life requires small steps and steady progress. Instead of simply wishing for more, it’s important to assess your financial life and set goals for what you want to achieve both now and in the future.

The law of attraction encourages people to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Instead of focusing on what you lack, practice feeling gratitude for what you have. In doing so, you’ll be better prepared as you work toward your financial goals and take advantage of the opportunities presented.

While the law of attraction lacks scientific support, proponents suggest that it can produce positive changes in a person’s life. Some reasons why people may experience benefits from this philosophy include:

Spiritual Effects

The law of attraction may produce results because it taps into people’s spirituality. Spirituality itself is connected to a variety of health benefits including reduced stress, better health, lower depression, and better overall well-being.1

Many people believe that this philosophy works by aligning God or the universe with our wishes. This notion suggests that people are all made of energy, and this energy operates at different frequencies. Because of this, it is important to change the frequency of energy with positive thoughts, especially gratitude for what we already have.

By using grateful, positive thoughts and feelings and by focusing on our dreams rather than our frustrations, we can change the frequency of our energy, and the law of attraction brings positive things into our lives. What we attract depends on where and how we focus our attention, but we must believe that it’s already ours or soon will be.

Better Well-Being

Utilizing the law of attraction may also bring about positive impacts on mental well-being. By focusing on attaining a new reality, and by believing it is possible, we tend to take more risks, notice more opportunities, and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Conversely, when we don’t believe that something is in the realm of possibilities for us, we tend to let opportunities pass by unnoticed.

When we believe we don’t deserve good things, we behave in ways that sabotage our chances of happiness. By changing our self-talk and feelings about life, we reverse the negative patterns in our lives and create more positive, productive, and healthy ones. One good thing leads to another, and the direction of a life can shift from a downward spiral to an upward ascent.

Research on optimism shows that optimists enjoy better health, greater happiness, and more success in life. They possess traits that allow them to focus their thoughts on their successes and mentally minimize their failures.

One of the foundations of many types of therapy is that changing your self-talk can change your life in a positive direction. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a widely used and effective treatment for many conditions, is based on the idea that identifying and changing automatic negative thoughts can produce positive effects and help people achieve better mental well-being.

Tips for Practicing the Law of Attraction[/su_heading]There are some exercises that can help you learn to put the law of attraction into practice in your own life. Some ideas include:

Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help you better learn to recognize your habitual thought patterns to see whether you tend toward optimism or pessimism and learn more about changing negative patterns of thought.

Make a mood board: Create a visual reminder that helps you maintain a positive mindset, stay motivated, and focus on your goals.
Practice acceptance: Instead of focusing on what is wrong about the present or what needs to be changed, work on accepting things as they are. This doesn’t mean that you won’t continue to work toward a better future, it just means that you won’t get bogged down by wishing for things to be different right now.

Practice positive self-talk: If you struggle with being overly self-critical, set a goal to engage in positive self-talk each day. Over time, this may come much more easily and you may find that it is harder to maintain a negative mindset.

One problem with books such as “The Secret” as well as with some people’s interpretation of the law of attraction is that it suggests it’s the belief that good things will come to us that will bring us all that we desire, without any sort of action behind that belief.

It is the optimistic viewpoint that drives proactive behaviors that, in turn, bring optimists such great results in their lives. Optimists don’t receive their benefits from their attitudes alone—it’s the behavior the attitudes inspire that creates real change.

In order for beliefs to affect behavior, it is important to also have things such as:

Critics of “The Secret” and other books about the law of attraction also point out the very real concern that people may start to blame themselves for negative events that are outside their control, such as accidents and injuries, layoffs due to a financial downturn, or major illnesses.

We can’t always control our circumstances, but we can control our responses to them. In this vein, the law of attraction can provide the optimism and proactive attitude associated with resilience in difficult situations, but it must not be used as a tool of self-blame.

Your responses to the challenges you face can make you stronger. In that way, the law of attraction can be useful when it encourages such strength. However, it should not be applied negatively or it can be more destructive than helpful.

While the law of attraction has received quite a bit of attention in recent years, the concept is not exactly new. These ideas have philosophical roots that date back to the early 19th-century approach known as “New Thought.” There was a resurgence of interest in the idea during the 20th century, particularly with the 2006 release of the film “The Secret,” which was then later developed into the best-selling book of the same title and its 2010 sequel “The Power.”

There is little controversy that honesty is a virtue.

 It is an excellence of character.  It also promotes trust, fosters healthy relationships, strengthens organizations and societies, and prevents harm.

Sadly, though, honesty has gone missing in recent decades. It is largely absent from academic research. It seems to be rare in society. And it is not commonly found in discussions about becoming a better person.

What is honesty? How is honesty related to integrity, courage, and tact? Is it always best to be honest? What are the ways of failing to be honest? These are essential questions, but you will be hard-pressed to find discussions of them among scholars. In my field of philosophy, for instance, outside of the work of my own team, there have been only two articles on honesty published in the past 50 years.

So what is honesty? It is a character trait that leads us to think, feel and act in honest ways. Let’s focus on the acting for a moment. Naturally, honesty stands in contrast to lying. But it is much broader in scope than that. It is also opposed to cheating, stealing, promise-breaking, misleading, bullshitting, hypocrisy, self-deception, and other forms of wrongdoing. It works against all of them and is extremely broad and impactful in scope.

What do all these behaviors have in common? What is at the core of honesty that enables it to cover so much moral ground? The answer, I think, is that honest behavior is a matter of not intentionally distorting the facts as the honest person sees them.

Consider a student who lies about his grades to his parents. He is misrepresenting his academic performance on purpose to his parents. Or consider an athlete who knowingly uses a banned substance. She is mispresenting her performance as being due to her own efforts, rather than in part to the contribution of the substance.

Honest behavior is tied to how a person sees the world, to the facts as subjectively understood. If someone genuinely believes the Earth is flat, he is being honest when he reports that belief to a friend, even though the statement is false. If he said that the Earth is round, he would be acting dishonestly, even though the statement is true.

If the only reason why the shopkeeper doesn’t cheat his customers is that he is worried about losing business, then he is doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

That’s a bit about honest behavior. How about motivation? To be a virtuous person, it is not enough just to act well. One’s heart behind the action matters too. Honesty is no exception. Telling the truth, even if one is reliable in doing so, won’t be an expression of the virtue of honesty if it is done just to make a good impression on others, to avoid getting punished, or to secure rewards in the afterlife.

Indeed, in my view, any self-interested motive isn’t going to count as a virtuous motive for honesty. The philosopher Immanuel Kant made a similar observation with his example of the shopkeeper who charges fair prices even when he has a chance to overcharge certain customers. Kant claims that if the only reason why the shopkeeper doesn’t cheat his customers is that he is worried about losing business if he were to be found out, then this would be a case of doing the right thing for the wrong reason. The same point applies to any other self-interested reason.

What would count as the right reason for honest behavior, then?
A variety of other motives, including:

If someone tells the truth for these reasons, it is hard to fault the person’s character. But they are somewhat different reasons. We should be pluralists here and allow any or all of these to count as what could motivate an honest person to act.

There is much more to say about the contours of this virtue. But already, I have said more than most have in a long while.