Because staying silent is the opposite of loving

I read this book several years ago and it changed my life and thinking in numerous ways. One of the most profound, memorable passages I read from this book goes something like this:

When you truly love someone, and if you see that person doing things that either hurt themselves or hurt others, you say something.

Real love dares to speak up because watching someone you love do things that hurt themselves or others would be too painful to stand by silently and watch.

When you love someone, you choose the immediate pain and awkwardness of saying something, over the long-term certain pain of saying nothing.

When you love someone, you dare to, in a sense, “risk the relationship” by potentially making them angry, in saying something important and honest because you love them. Something that needs to be said.

I found this to be life and thought-changing.

Before I’d assumed that when you love someone, you leave them to their own choices and that’s that.

The above passage of loving honesty does not mean you try and control people. It doesn’t mean you lord over them. It doesn’t mean you continually beat them over the head with a certain important truth you feel they need to see in their life.

It does mean you say something, at least once, because you love them and cannot bear to see them hurting themselves (or others) this way. You say something in the hopes that, by drawing attention to it and speaking up, maybe you’ll shine a light on something they didn’t realize or see that’s harming them.

That maybe, you can help them shift their choices for the better. Speaking up means not enabling and going along with their hurtful choices as a silent bystander and accomplice, but letting them know you aren’t down with it and are troubled by what you see. That you love them, but you are worried by some of their decisions.

Some examples of things your loved ones might be doing that cause harm to either themselves or those around them (and about which you should likely speak up about lovingly) could include:

(Note: For clarification purposes, a loved one can be a spouse, close friend, sibling, your parents, your child, etc)

Speaking up when you observe behaviors in your loved one that is likely hurting either themselves or others?

This is the utmost in love.

One quick caveat here: Some people think that honesty means delivering a harsh, unvarnished, cutting truth. Not so. You can be honest while still being loving and careful about it. Be truthful, without being nasty or hateful. Speak up, without being mean.

However, on the flip side of this point, just because something is hard to hear, and just because it causes pain in the recipient, does not mean it shouldn’t have been said.

It’s loving someone to dare to make them angry and to dare to cause tension in the relationship between you because you cannot bear to say nothing in the face of the harmful choices they are making. It’s also the opposite of cowardice (which is to say nothing because it’s easier).

Real love is speaking up out of care, love, concern, and worry.

It’s hoping that your loving thoughts and insights will prompt a shift that might better their life.

And even if it doesn’t? At least they have heard these important insights from an outsider, ones they might not have thought of until you said them, by someone who loves them.

Even if nothing changes right away? Your words might serve as seeds planted which, later on, will flourish into change and different choices. You never know.

 Your loving honesty is a gift. It’s also an opportunity. 

One they can either reject and dismiss or consider and potentially use to improve their life. That choice is theirs.

But, if you say nothing, they are not even given this chance.

In conclusion: when you love someone, you speak up when you see them doing things that either are likely hurting themselves or hurting those around them. This is the braver, loving thing.

Silence is cowardice, it’s avoidance, it’s disconnected, and it’s the opposite of loving. This does not mean beating them over the head with it. This also does not mean being harsh or unkind.

It does mean speaking up at least once, though more ideally, probably a few times on different occasions, to let them know what you see, why you’re worried, and that you are saying something because you love them and want them to live as wonderful, healthy, and happy a life as they can.

Want to maintain optimal health and optimism? Here you go.

They Sometimes Say “No” to Something They’d Like To Eat (or Drink)

As most people know and are sad to acknowledge (me included), a lot of things that taste awesome are terrible for your health and cause a lot of damage when we eat them. Sugar. Wheat. Alcohol. To name a few. It takes effort to exercise discipline, to not always eat everything you want to eat.

Grabbing and devouring everything delicious is the path of least resistance.

It’s also the path to way lesser overall health, weight gain, and more disease.

People who are the healthiest will regularly say “no” to certain things that, in their minds, they’d like to eat. Maybe they already ate a piece of chocolate, so they say no to the cookie. They didn’t eat super healthy yesterday, so today, they say no to all things bad for them. They splurged and had a rare slice of cake on Saturday? They stay away from desserts for the next few days.

This is what being healthy means. Making thoughtful choices. Being mindful of what’s going in your body (and when). And not always saying “yes.”

If we all focused only on right now, we’d probably never work out, because we’d rarely be in the mood. The couch, which is more appealing, would always win out.We’d always eat the cupcake and the donuts on offering and never say no.We would forgo standing since sitting is easier.We’d stay out drinking all night, since who cares, and it’s just one night (though funny how it happens again the next weekend…and then the next one too).You get the idea.Creating and then maintaining great health often means looking to the big picture of what you want, as opposed to just living impulsively in the moment.According to the 2018 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, 2nd edition: “Adults need to do two types of physical activity each week to improve their health–aerobic activity and muscle strengthening.”

It is recommended that you perform a minimum of 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise each week or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise. This, paired with two days of strength training per week.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provides the following two examples:

Pick one of the above options. Better yet, pick the harder and more challenging one. Do this every week. Even when you don’t feel in the mood for it. Because you’ve got the long-term, bigger picture in mind of wanting a fit, able-bodied, healthy life.

Turns out that more than two-thirds of us are not getting the recommended eight hours of necessary sleep each night. That probably doesn’t shock anyone. However, what may surprise you is the havoc and damage this wrecks upon all areas of your physical and mental health.There is not one major organ in the body or process in the brain, that isn’t optimally enhanced by sleep (or, detrimentally impaired when we don’t get enough).Here are some of what happens when you don’t get at least 7-hours of sleep (though ideally, 8-hours) every night:

The World Health Organization (WHO) has declared a sleep loss epidemic throughout industrialized nations. Don’t be a part of this. Make it a top priority to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep, every single night.

The healthiest people keep a close eye on this. They notice their stress levels and do things to keep them in check (deep breathing, exercise, meditation, talking to a loved one when needing emotional support, seeing a therapist sometimes, spend time with great friends, not working too much, etc).Stress causes all sorts of problems, from high blood pressure to weight gain, heart problems, depression, and more.The healthiest people know this and pay careful attention to making sure this isn’t a thing in their lives regularly.The human body is meant to move frequently and throughout most of the day.Walking, even jogging, jumping, striding, standing some, with very minimal sitting. Humans originally spent much of their time engaged in a variety of movements (hunting, gathering, tending to children, building things, etc).Sitting around all day in front of computers is a relatively new thing over the last few decades, and it’s terrible for our health, physical and mental.

Sitting for hours every day will do these things to your body:

Some researchers are even calling sitting down “the new smoking.” As in, it’s nearly as harmful, if not equally so to your body as smoking is

Experts say that people who sit for long periods have a 147 percent higher risk of suffering a heart attack or stroke.

Research suggests that people who spend more time sitting have a 112 percent higher risk of diabetes.

Sitting for long periods can lead to varicose veins or spider veins (a smaller version of varicose veins) because sitting causes blood to pool in your legs.

You get the idea. It’s not a pretty picture.

The healthiest people know this and, even when they don’t always feel like it, they make sure to stand much of the time, and to move around often throughout their day.

The grocery store aisles are littered with all manner of enticing, highly processed, chemical-laden snacks. From Doritos to Cheezits, candy bars, sugar-laden juices, cookies, cereals, pastries, boxed cake mixes, soda, sugary yogurts, salad dressing, tomato sauce, cakes, you name it.
Most of this is terrible for you.The foods to eat are things like: fish, chicken, turkey, small amounts of red meat, eggs, all manner of vegetables (raw and fresh are ideal), sweet potatoes, fruits (again, fresh is best), nuts (almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, etc), and healthy fats such as avocado, olive oil, and such.Rice or pasta made with rice flour is ok in small amounts, maybe once or twice a week, though shouldn’t be eaten daily. It’s largely empty calories, it does spike your blood sugar some, and it can lead to needless weight gain.The food you eat routinely should essentially be in its pure, natural form. These are the foods that are medicine to your body. 

Foods such as sugar, wheat, soda, lots of processed stuff, and alcohol, are essentially poisons to your body. And they will contribute heavily toward disease for many people.

And this isn’t always easy. In fact, in many moments, staying the course on eating super healthy will require willpower and strength.

However, make the mindful, stronger choice and consume things that contribute toward fighting disease. The healthiest people know this, that foods and drink will encourage utmost health and thus, their longest and most vibrant life.