5 Self-Development Principles to Master Before Kickstarting a Relationship

Work on yourself first before working on a relationship with someone.

An even-sided, love-filled relationship is a thing of beauty — there is a lot to say about the psychological and physical perks of knowing that there is someone out there who loves you for who you are every day.

Although that is the case, let us not forget that relationships are basically commitments, and any commitment will require you to make difficult choices, whether that be a reevaluation of your priorities, a reassessment of your self-worth, or putting your partner’s interest over yours.

The reality is, we owe it to our future partners to be well-equipped for a relationship before jumping into one. It is self-disrespecting and embarrassing to make it another person’s duty to keep us on our feet because we would be dead weight to them, which is not what love is all about.

So, before you actually get yourself involved in a relationship, here are several self-development principles you should ace first that will make you a better partner in the future.

This may be contrary to intuition or to common-sense expectation. However, it is true that you must learn to enjoy your own company before getting yourself involved in a relationship. Being uncomfortable by yourself will ultimately lead to feelings of fear, dread, and uneasiness when you eventually do find yourself in a relationship, which will only help push your partner further away from you and might even give rise to feelings of bitterness towards them.

To love ourselves better, we must discover what makes us tick, discover hobbies that we cherish and things that we care about. This will enable you to understand what makes you special and bring something to the table when it comes to your future relationship. Hence, your reasons for being someone’s partner will be derived from nothing but authentic love instead of a need to fill your inner void.

Undoubtedly, you are a passionate and resilient person. However, for all your potential beliefs to the contrary, your baggage: previous relationships — especially those that have left a deep emotional scar on you — will dictate the outcome of your next relationship.

Overcoming the traumas left behind by prior relationships is never easy. The road to recovery is never a straight one. Even if you can pinpoint what past events are influencing your ability to connect emotionally at this point in time, it can still be a difficult climb up the mountain to make the conscious choice not to let them get the better of your feelings and actions.

Maybe you are still a long way to go before you reach the end of the recovery process. Some sour experiences will continue to sting — our capacity to tolerate it merely increases. However, the consciousness of your baggage is the first and most crucial step toward becoming a better person for your significant other and developing a relationship that is healthy.

Jealousy is an enemy we have difficulty overcoming; it can surface in every facet of our lives. Therefore, learning to keep our feelings of jealousy at bay is an indispensable skill, regardless of context.

Very serious cases of jealousy can make us become overprotective in our romantic relationships, as we try in desperation to make sure what is ours never fades away. We may coerce our partners to grant us access to their smartphones, prohibit them from developing social ties with people we view as threats, and live in a continuous state of paranoia that somehow they are not as faithful as we think they are.

By bowing down to our jealousy, all we are doing is realizing our greatest fear. Instead of succumbing to jealousy, we must take the more daunting journey of learning not to have a grudge against others for their good fortune and give our partners nothing but our trust and respect.

The bits of relationship wisdom highlighted hitherto is just as helpful for success beyond the context of relationships. The following information is no exception.

I have never heard of a flawless relationship and a couple who live their lives “happily ever after.” When a relationship hits a patch so rough that you feel like throwing in the towel, do not give up. These are the scenarios where what we want to communicate is often too uncomfortable for us to understand completely, and so we feel the temptation to call it quits, or worse, to resist and make the situation worse with our tongues.

A healthy, loving relationship that lasts for a lifetime has to grow from a foundation of sincere communication where both parties feel safe and confident in freely voicing their needs, wants, opinions and apprehensions without fear of belittlement or reprisal. A complete breakdown of communication will only lead to more significant misunderstandings between partners.

Being able to open up yourself without being judged is a liberating feeling and is a must to a solid basis for any relationship, whether casual or romantic.

When we give all of our heart to someone, an important part of the love of that nature is the desire to shield them from threats, be it imaginary or real. On the contrary, taking swings at even those dearest to us can be a knee-jerk and impulsive response when we are under considerable stress. If you find yourself lashing out at your significant other all the time, the only person you can blame is yourself when they can no longer accept or deal with your turbulent behavior.

The measure of our capacity to love is not decided by how we behave when the sky is clear but by how we are when the weather is ugly. Two methods come to mind for learning to love when we are under intense pressure, and loving is most difficult:

The first technique is without a doubt crucial — as it is not possible to face life without confronting some kind of obstacle that will push us to our limits. However, controlling our impulsive behaviors is usually a “trial and error” process. Plus, it is a form of lifelong learning and not something any of us will master before diving into a relationship.

So, to be better partners, we can learn how to tackle our stress so we do not reach the point where we are striking each other unconsciously. Swim, run, walk around the park — seek means that help you calm your nerves.