“When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” —Anonymous

About your value when it comes to matters of the heart.

First, let me say congratulations on being brave enough to lean into the discomfort.
Second, I need you to take three things away from this article:

1) All humans are equally worthy of love,
2) Your worth in love is not negotiable; it never has been and never will be, and
3) Your worth is independent of others. Let this be your mantra, or adapt it so it better suits you, but please understand that YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, and I’ll unpack this for you next.

1. All Humans Are Innately Worthy of Love

Every human being is inherently worthy of love. If you are questioning whether you are worthy of love, I invite you to shift the question from, “Am I worthy of love?” to “Do I have a sense of low self-worth?” When we ask whether we are worthy of love, we can only answer based on whether others perceive us as valuable. But, because our worth is inherent, others cannot determine our worth, and thus, we will never find a truthful answer to our question.

However, when we question whether we have a sense of low self-worth, our answer will identify our perception of being worthy of love. If we perceive ourselves as unworthy, we can further explore the why questions until we get to our truth. Often, the truth is that at some point in our lives, love became conditional, inconsistent, or even obsolete. We received messages, whether from a caregiver, a loved one, a friend, or even our culture, that we must do, be, or present in some way that earns our value in love. These messages can be unlearned.

2. Your Worth is Not Negotiable… Never Has Been, and Never Will Be

If our value is inherent, then it cannot be negotiated, despite what messages we received or will receive in the future. Sure, we may behave in ways that are undesirable to ourselves and others (so goes human nature) but since we are not our behavior, and our worth is fixed and inherent, what we do cannot change our value, despite what others may have led us to believe.

Using this logic, we come to understand that our inherent worth cannot be devalued, nor can it be increased, despite how much we try to win others over. This allows us to step off the rollercoaster of winning/losing value, and assess instead the value of our behaviors and to what degree they serve us. But the inherent value does not change… it didn’t in the past, it doesn’t in the present, and won’t in the future.

3. Your Worth is Independent of Others

For all humans, reality is based on one’s own unique perception. When we seek to measure our worth through others, our value becomes fickle as it is measured by another person’s perception of us. One’s perception about anything is grounded in their own experience of the world, and it is a lifetime in the making.

In other words, how one assigns value to others is set up long before they even meet us, and it will differ from one person to the next. There will be people who don’t take a liking to us, and there will be people who find us to be a kindred spirit – and yet our inherent value does not change… we are all worthy of love.

Of course, our search for self-worth and love from others is more complicated than what a single blog post can lay out, but next time you find yourself questioning whether you are worthy of love, try reframing the question and see what pops up for you. And remember – YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.