What qualities matter most to you in a partner?
What blows my mind is that if you stopped random people on the street to ask them that question, most people would respond one of a few answers. In fact, when researchers asked what women and men wanted most in a partner, they listed similar qualities like kindness, intelligence, and attractiveness.
Those are all great, but Iâve come to realize that the qualities that make for exceptional, stand-the-test-of-time partners are incredibly overlooked. So much so that I worry they wouldnât even rank in peopleâs top 5.
So I want to bring these qualities to the forefront. I want to put them in the beaming, warm spotlight they deserve. Because finding a life partner is complicated, you canât possibly know what you want until you experience it.
But you can be more aware of what to look â qualities that stand to make for the most fulfilling relationship youâve ever been in.
EQ is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express oneâs emotions. Itâs also the ability to realize your impact on others. Instead of bottling up or being completely unaware of what youâre feeling, you have the words and awareness to express your emotions.
Some people have a challenging time putting into words what theyâre feeling. Maybe itâs due to a lack of showing emotion in their family. Perhaps they were even ordered to turn off their feelings.
But luckily for all those people, itâs possible to increase your EQ.
And finding a partner with a high EQ or willingness to increase theirs is like winning the lottery. Life is a long journey, with ups and downs. Having a partner that can communicate their feelings and express appreciation for you will make for a relationship that can withstand plenty.
Think of trust as the glue that keeps a relationship together. Without it, you canât traverse the emotional and vulnerable depths that make a relationship so fulfilling. Youâll always have part of your guard up.
Iâve been in one too many relationships lacking trust on my end. Now that Iâm with someone who has my complete trust (because he earned it), I know that this is a quality in a relationship that canât be missing.
Chances are a lot. If youâre someone who clicked on an article like this, youâre interested in improving and growing in your life. And thatâs an admirable quality to have. Thereâs room to grow throughout our lives.
Now I want you to consider what life would be like with someone who doesnât value growth. They never admit theyâre wrong. Theyâre not interested in working on the relationship. They donât value pursuing new goals and dreams.
It would make you feel stuck, wouldnât it? Thatâs why itâs important to find someone who values change in their life and doesnât fear it.
Iâd know because I spent a year of my life dating a man who thought jokes that demeaned women criticized me or had underlying racist tones were the best kind. Not only did I not laugh as much as Iâd like to, but I also spent a lot of time acting like his jokes didnât deeply offend me.
Thatâs why having a similar sense of humor is important. If youâre the kind of person who likes light-heartedly poking fun at your partner, donât date someone who hates that. Simple as that. Life is too short not to laugh your way through it with the person you love.
For example, I love to sing. And not just sing to songs; Iâm talking musical-style singing where I create sounds out of everything I do throughout my day. Iâve always been well aware this could be an annoying trait to some people.
But surprisingly early on in my relationship with my current boo, I started sing-narrating things weâd do. My initial shock was how comfortable I felt doing this early in the relationship. The second shock came when my boyfriend didn’t even blink an eye at my melodic habit.
A relationship should be a safe space where youâre not judged. If youâre going to spend your life with someone, at least have it with a person who loves your authentic self.But hear me out⊠when I used the word comfortability, I mean your partner making you feel like you can be your authentic self.
I didnât even know this was a thing until I started dating my new boyfriend. I walk down the street dancing and singing, doing whatever I want because I know he loves me for all of it. I can talk about my dreams of one day owning a coffee shop in a quaint little down. I can also talk about the fact that our Mediterranean dinner made me gassy AF.
Through this feeling of being loved and accepted, I realize more and more of my authentic self Iâve hidden away.
And whatever you would call that quality â comfortability or something else â itâs something I cherish in my partner; itâs something I hope everyone finds.
These qualities might be harder to spot in a person, but when you come across them, I implore you to appreciate them for what theyâre worth.
Who we date in life and choose to spend our time with is a big but fulfilling decision; that is, if we can pay attention to certain overlooked qualities.