Hint: they have nothing to do with looks.
No one would have ever looked at Robby and thought he was Chris Hemsworth or Ryan Gosling handsome. His body was more soft than ripped. He didn’t own a couple of private jets or know how to cook anything more than scrambled eggs, and he wasn’t even 5’8 with shoes on.
Regardless, when he touched my arm to get my attention at a party, my skin felt like it jumped to meet his, and I didn’t leave his side the rest of the night.
Attraction is so much more than looks for women. It doesn’t matter if you hit the gym or have a huge bank account, we pay the most attention to certain personality traits. Robby was the perfect example because he was just a normal guy.
Not being the most attractive or having the best job doesn’t mean you can’t attract the kind of woman you want. Here are some things women specifically are more attracted to when they’re looking for a long-term relationship:
1. Approachability
Do you smile? Glance around? Look people in the eye? Strike up casual conversations?
It doesn’t matter how handsome you are: if you’re staring at the ground looking pissed off and ignoring everyone, no one is going to take a chance and chat you up. If you tried to chat them up, they may even be frightened.
Women are attracted to men they feel are approachable, so check your body language and work on being more aware of others around you.
2. Selflessness
There’s a difference between selflessness and selfishness that not many people realize. If you’re doing something simply for the benefit of another, you’re being selfless. But if you’re doing something for another expecting something in return, then you’re being selfish.
Do you hold open doors? Tell people “please” and “thank you?” Remember your server’s name? Listen attentively? Replace the toilet paper roll when you’ve used it all?
Women have to be selfless when they’re raising children, so, of course, they would want the same quality in a mate.
3. A sense of humor
You don’t have to be the funniest guy in the room, but you should at least try to ham it up a bit. For one, a good sense of humor is seen as a sign of intelligence. Further, as seen in “Sexual Selection and Humor in Courtship: A Case for Warmth and Extroversion,” Dr. Hall found that when strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more times a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely it is she’s interested in him.
Do you watch popular stand-up shows? Can you laugh at yourself? Can you tell a few jokes? Know that just trying to make her laugh is a good start, and give it a try. Life is tough and we all need a break from that. If you can offer that, she’ll be hooked.
4. Respectful
It’s 2020. Consent and respect are sexier than a chiseled jawline and a mighty good beard. This woman in front of you that you think is super hot is just a human. Treat her with the same common decency that you would give your grandmother.
Don’t gawk at her boobs, say overtly sexual remarks, or send her a dick pic. Listen to her. Pay attention. Think before you speak.
5. Risk-taking
Know why male strippers usually dress up as cops or firefighters? Because these men risk their lives to help others and women find that hot. But there are plenty of other ways to take risks without pulling people from burning buildings.
Do you approach people just to chat or network? Are you not afraid to be vulnerable? Do you have a side-hustle? Have you started your own business? Do you jump out of planes or race cars in your free time? Explore ways to push out of your own comfort zone, and don’t be afraid to try something new.
Women want more than just a tight butt. We want kind respectful dudes who aren’t going to spend their free time being boring. Don’t worry about your abs or investing in stocks. Instead, worry about learning another lame dad joke and smiling a bit more.
