The Dating Wars Are On. Win-win?
‘Would you like to meet my friend Tony? He’s in his fifties, earning very well, and he’s been trying to find an American woman to start a family with, but they’re all so entitled nowadays that he doesn’t want to have to deal with them anymore. And I know you Eastern European women treat men like kings!’
It was August of 2021, in Midtown Los Angeles.
This happened right as I was enjoying an iced blueberry kombucha out in the mellow Californian sun. Our Airbnb host, an elderly man who lived in the house right next to us, came over to ask me if I didn’t happen to be looking for a husband.
While the matchmaking proposal was a bit out of place, it was unfortunately not shocking at all. I’ve heard it at least 50 times before
It was just never directed at me specifically.
And when it was, it felt kind of horrifying.
And the sad part is that he wasn’t even far from the truth. Actually, he was right about the money. Literally the money.
I happen to have a lot of experience with this exact situation, and here’s why.
For about 2 years I was a coach and trainer to the employees of a webcam studio, which is basically a building with a bunch of hotel-like rooms. The rooms are rented out to women who spend hours in front of a camera, talking to men over the internet. The talking turns into flirting and the flirting turns into nudity and virtual sex. Sometimes there’s no talking, but usually, there is.
I saw many complaints that sounded just like this:
“American women are so entitled! They think the world belongs to them and they’re full of airs.’’
‘They don’t respect me as a man. I need a woman, not a competition!’
‘They always have an argument and an opinion about everything, there’s never any peace in the house. And they have something to say about absolutely everything.’
‘They don’t take care of themselves as you girls do. I wish my wife looked like you.’
‘My ex-wife was all about her career. She never took care of me!’
‘Women in my country… they just don’t know how to be feminine anymore!’
‘I love that you Eastern European girls are so family-oriented and sweet! And you’re all so gorgeous, wow!’
The great majority of the men visiting cam girls are American. The great majority of women are Eastern European. The men are the clients, and the women are the providers of services.
The men pay and the women perform. The men want the women to be a certain way and the women comply.
They both play a role. The men pretend to be rich and well-endowed. The women pretend to be impressed.
But despite the role-playing, an overwhelming male need still remains: men want to impress women!
Men want women who they can thrill, inspire, and arouse with their masculine charm. And they’re willing to pay big money to get them, even if only through a computer screen.
But they don’t stop there.
More and more American men take it one giant intercontinental step further. They take it out of the realm of virtual love and into that of getting on a plane and going to an Eastern European country to find a wife.
A wife that would fit their needs and desires. And they find her almost every time.
Usually, these wives are:
- beautiful, young, and slender
- poor and usually from a large family
- with very low chances of ever earning a decent living in their home country
- raised in a traditional culture
- easy to love, easy to please, easy to impress
Is this the majority of American men? Of course not. But in a few years, it might be.
American women are asking for equal rights, equal opportunities, equal pay, and equal everything. And the men who redirect their efforts toward underprivileged countries figured out that it’s much more difficult to impress an equal than an inferior.
- You either refuse or try to change their mind.
- You eventually look for someone less demanding.
Of course, not all American men are going overseas looking for less demanding women, but the trend shows just how dissatisfied both parties are with how the other party presents itself.
The ever-increasing population of empowered women is looking for partners who developed the soft skills necessary for an emotionally mature relationship. When they can’t find it, they get angry and give up on dating and marriage altogether.
A lot of men are (more or less openly) looking for a woman who still holds traditional gender roles and classic femininity. When they can’t find it, they get angry and either give up on dating and marriage altogether or start looking for opportunities where there are still some available.
While it’s undeniably frustrating and unfair that men would rather travel 10,000 miles to marry some poor woman from an impoverished country and different culture, with all the problems that come with it, rather than work on their own emotional growth, isn’t it for the better though?
Isn’t it better that they get their dream submissive meek wife and these women get a chance to get themselves and their whole families out of poverty?
And isn’t it better that American women get rid of men they don’t want anyway?
Isn’t everybody happier this way? Not really from a more sober perspective considering what marriage stands for. One of the pros of marriage is the protection the spouses provide each other. There should be a protection of the interests of each other, of home, and that of children. Cumulatively, protection at a lot of levels and different phases of life constructs the purpose of marriage. It also serves as one of the benefits of being married.
But this is not an ideal world. And until we make it ideal, we’re left with imperfect solutions to deep-rooted problems.
If you have better solutions, this unideal world would love to hear them. You either refuse or try to change their mind. You eventually look for someone less demanding.