If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace. —Franklin D. Roosevelt
While it’s true that everyone has different levels of comfort when it comes to expressing themselves, if your partner never lets you in (could be as basic as how their day went, or as big as their fears and dreams), it could be a sign that they don’t feel the same level of connection that you feel for them.
1. You are the only one who opens up.
Maintaining friendships outside of your relationship is super important. You don’t want to be that couple that makes one another their entire world (because yikes). But when you love someone, you want them to get to know the other people you care about. If your partner keeps you fairly separate from their friends, it might indicate they just aren’t invested in you.
2. They don’t make an effort to include you in social situations.
Hey, we all have our flakey moments. But when you’re the only one who seems willing to make set plans, that’s a huge red flag. Maybe they don’t want to promise something they’re not sure they’ll still be around for.
3. They don’t like committing to plans.
You’re always worrying about how your partner is going to react to even the smallest stuff, like if you did something incorrectly, or if they’re upset with you.
4. You feel overly stressed out about little things.
Relationships require a give and take — sometimes you give, sometimes you take. But when you’re the only one doing the giving, you’ll wind up feeling exhausted. And that’s not a reassuring place to be.
5. You feel drained, not comforted.
You get caught up in little white lies — like why they couldn’t make it to your parent’s house for dinner (they weren’t feeling well). Or when they behave poorly, you end up justifying it (they’ve been slammed at work recently).
6. You find yourself making excuses for them.
While you don’t expect to be someone’s number one all the time, it’s nice to be reassured you matter to them. But in this relationship, you never quite know where you stand. You don’t know your place in line.
7. You don’t feel like you’re a priority.
They only listen to you when it’s something they’re interested in, or when it benefits them in some way.
8. They practice selective listening.
Your partner would rather bury the issue, let it slide, and not address it. You know good things require work, but they don’t seem willing to try.
9. You’re the only one who wants to work through problems.
Call it intuition, a gut feeling, or something you just can’t explain — we’re usually pretty good at knowing when something is wrong. But when you’re really crazy about someone, you are so desperate for those feelings to be returned that you learn how to silence that nagging voice that tells you, “Hey, I don’t think this is going to work out.” I know it hurts, but it’s much better to listen to it than to block it out. Trust me.
10. You can never really settle.